10. Ho, Ho, Ho, not you Kid, the girl that just walked by, I know her type.

9. Forget a sleigh and Reindeer, this Santa rolls up in a rented van with 7 broke dudes.

8. Ask Mommy if she wants to sit on Santa’s lap too?

7. Doctor Santa can wear any type of hat and even Woody Allen glasses if he wants to.

6. Good kid/ Bad kid! On The One! Hit it, Yes or No stat!

5. Ok, ok, you’ll get all that whatever…Does your Grandma make tamales?

4. Just because a Santa is from Oakland son, doesn’t mean he is doing it as court ordered community service.

3. Forget wanting a horn, the RR Hall of Fame hates that sort of thing.

2. You look familiar. What year were you born, how old are you, and does Mommy really, really, like soul music?

1. If I don’t work I don’t eat kid, I’m half deaf, so whadda want little Homie?

10. Thank you so much for taking the time to beat me up.

9. I did my job and fought like a pop singer.

8. Better not say I’m from East LA anymore, they don’t quit.

7. Take me to the hospital I’m going to need a boat load of Botox.

6. I shouldn’t have made fun of his Lumpias.

5. That’s just great, just got TKO’ed by the new King of the Philippines.

4. Now I know how John McCain felt.

3. Thought I had him, I kept punching him the gloves, with my face.

2. Maybe those pictures of me dressed like a woman was real after all.

1. If I hit him with my wallet would have knocked him out for sure.

10. Good thing she got cuter or would have no career by now.

9. I’m glad that absolutely no one from Oakland is watching this segment.

8. Ok, the jazz guys will kid me for awhile but the funk guys are going to put this on front street.

7. This is a long way from the On Broadway dive, 2 shows a night for the door.

6. How did that blonde up there get that gig playing a martini shaker?

5. This is music. Lil Wayne is what is wrong with music.

4. Glad she didn’t want to do the Titanic tune, that fogs my glasses.

3. No doubt Boogalating is not a part of her repatire.

2. I would have to do 142,000 smooth jazz concerts to perform in front of these 7.1 million viewers.

1. Hope she nods at me at the end of tune.